Reflections

#28 - The guidelines of life

It's funny sometimes to stop and look at where I am.

When you are 16 you can't truly conceptualize what life as an adult will be like - you just know it will be awesome.

At 21 you think you are sooooo ready to be out in the world and be an adult.

At 25 you realize adulthood isn't all it's cracked up to be.

At 30 you are startled to realize you ARE an adult and have been this way for quite a few years.

At 34?

At 34 I'm realizing that I'm just starting to understand where my path is. After years as a Believer I'm just starting to want to be more. As a mom I'm realizing this unbelievable responsibility I've been given and being simultaneously ecstatic and scared to the depths of my stomach.

I am having these wild surges of desire to make my life look and be a certain way. I want to be somebody I'm not.

But here's the good thing about being 34 - I'm finally realizing I can't be somebody God didn't make me to be.

I look at these other people and think - they're a better homemaker than I am, they're a better mom than I am, they're a better Believer than I am. And I start to think - "Boy God - you made a mistake when you picked me."

But He didn't make a mistake - He can't make a mistake. He made me and choose me and gave me and took away from me exactly what He meant to.

And He has big plans for me. I just have to trust Him. I have to be realistic about who I am and be neither disparaging nor rose colored.

There is no Plan B and there never was.

There is only His perfect Plan A.

What a relief.