These are the times that try the parenting soul

I thought having two sick children and being sick was bad.

I was wrong.

Having one sick child, being sick myself and having a child who feels much better and has been trapped inside for a week is WAY worse.

Tonight I need to pour out my heart - bear with me.

Today has been wearing.  Caleb and I are not feeling well at all.  At this point we are all on antibiotics and I feel I am getting worse.  At least last night I was able to sleep for the first time in 3 days thanks to the Robutussin with codeine my doctor gave me.  Prior to last night I have been up several times a night for 1-2 hours coughing.  My stomach muscles and back are so sore that I have to crouch down to cough now.  I am so sleep deprived I can barely see.  Last night was better - I only got up once and was able to take more medicine and get back in bed with in 30 minutes.  Of course I also had to get up once and take Caleb's temp as before he went to bed he was running 103 for over 2 hours and Tylenol was doing nothing to bring it down.  Luckily the on call nurse told me I could go ahead and give him ibuprofen to bring it down but that I needed to check him during the night.  I cried a little when she said that.  Not that I didn't want to make sure he was okay - it was just that I was really excited about my cough syrup with codeine. 

Anyway - he and I made it through the night.  I didn't know that was going to be the easy part.

Carter is 4.5 and I have discovered that my boys don't do well with the halves.  They must be having growth and hormone changes at the 6 month mark because every time that half comes it is brutal.

Now I confess that I have often taken pride in my parenting.  It is easy to look at others' children and feel that I have done the right thing and that my kids are better than theirs.

Isn't that a laugh?  God quickly humbles me and reminds me that I don't have a clue.  I am a horrible parent without Him.  I try and do things my way and do not seek His counsel and I end up with a day like today. 

By the end of the day I was on my knees - "Please Lord, don't let me lose it."

Disrespect, yelling, trying to physically hurt me, kicking, purposely bothering Caleb.

Is this my child?  Is this my sensitive, loving Carter?

I truly am at a loss.

I try very hard to be consistent.  Offenses have consequences.  Disrespectful talk is not allowed.  Obedience is required at once - no excuses, no "not hearing", no whining.  Say "Yes ma'am" and obey with a respectful attitude. 

Now I know he is only 4.5.  I understand he will not be perfect at this.  I know that I am training.  I know that I must parent with love and grace and patience.  I do not expect him to be perfect.

I understand that he will push back - hard. 

But I must prevail.

For a child who does not understand obedience towards his parent will never understand a need for obedience towards his Heavenly Father.

Boy, I wish God would just come down and handle this one for me.